(Track from album, “Southpaw Grammar”)
From an almost endless canon of superb Moz tracks, why pick this; a mere album track from one of the weaker albums, released during the low point of the singer's career, and a daunting 11 and a half minutes in length?
Why?
Because from the superbly gothic sampling of Dmitri Shostakovich through the anthemic chorus of guitar 'noise' back to the parent-teacher threat in the lyrics' themes, this track stands out as the most independent and different on what is quite an odd album; good in every respect, but almost out of place in such an otherwise tremendous and extraordinary catalogue, with only it's follow-up "Maladjusted" being the only Morrissey album to sound any worse, and, perhaps notably, the only album I have never heard all the way through...
Ok, so maybe I'm too harsh on "Southpaw Grammar" - the original 1995 pressing (pictured) certainly. My only experience of the album as a piece is only as it appears in it's 2009 redux format, and even then, it's not bad. But, you don't feel as though every song is a masterpiece and an example of songwriting genius; previous efforts until 1995 more or less managed this, with the exception of the occasional track. "Fantastic Bird", "You Should Have Been Nice To Me" and "Nobody Loves Us" weaken the album rather than strengthen it, and since the heavy sound is new territory for the singer on this album, the original 8 songs (40 mins.) was a far better length, and much more thoughtfully ordered, as opposed to the comparably epic, hour long reissue which, ironically is supposed to be better, and, to finish, features the new weaker songs... "The Teachers Are Afraid Of The Pupils" still isn't the strongest song on this album, even the original, but, it had, for me, the most impact.
The initial (and far superiorly selected) opening track of the album, this track is seen by many fans of Morrissey as a reprisal of his attitudes toward the education system, and in many ways, a reversal of the violence described by The Smith's 1985 album track "The Headmaster Ritual".
In 1995, the schoolmasters are no longer 'belligerent ghouls' or 'spineless bastards' - here, they are the victims, and the students, protected by their mislead and quick-to-judge parents, who threaten to depose teachers who come near their children, are the tormentors. Perhaps a comment on government, maybe an opinion on corporal punishment, either way, very different, and very good.
Morrissey's band, usual suspects Boz Boorer, Alain Whyte etc., give a tremendous performance on synthesised strings, bass, guitar and drums creating a Brit-pop-esque rock crescendo similar to that of a classical masterpiece as the track swirls and oscillates, dips and dives, with a vocal unlike no other and bizarre, casual attitude unparalleled. As such, musically, the song feels accomplished but manages to sound very strange as well; booming and very foreboding, even through the rockier section, with the horrifying atmosphere described in the lyrics perfectly captured in sound, and brilliantly represented in dark and menacing tones.
As always, its what our man has to say that counts, and though the brilliant observations of a 'spirit on trial' and teachers slowly leaving the staff room one by one, year after year, doesn't quite match the crude, but funny, bluntness of "Dagenham Dave's" 'head in the clouds and a mouthful of pie", there's something to appreciate lyrically; its masterful and, as always, despite the content, humorous, in that addictive, sarcastic and dark Morrissey way.
Surely that's any Morrissey track? How appallingly fan-like of me... what this is, is a classic Moz song with a very, very different sound, and, though, as the album manages to demonstrate as a whole, it may not be an especially strong track, but "The Teachers Are Afraid Of The Pupils" really does stand out, in length, in colour, but also because it does what the rest of the album is supposed to do, whilst it's busy doing something new and quite interesting to the point that it betters this song, but in an uncharacteristic way for this singer...
However - 'a nail up through the staff chair' - give the man some credit; that is both dark and funny, and the latter, because, simply, we know it's true, relating to us all. This is the real genius of the lyrics on all of his work, their applicability to every listener, regardless of colour, creed, gender or lunchbox colour preference - there's something very universal about Morrissey, and though people claim not to understand or 'get' him, there really is something for everyone, if only you take a moment to listen as is especially true with "Southpaw Grammar"...
★★★★★
Versions of "The Teachers Are Afraid Of The Pupils"
Album Version – 11:19